NUMENON |
PONDERING CORE ESSENCE
NUMENON |
I had selected Megunticook Lake near Camden, Maine for the day's explorations with A. My intel was limited, but this certainly seemed to be a promising bass lake, while also offering a potential seasonal fishery for trout. Early in the season and with water temperatures in the low-to-mid forties, we targeted trout by trolling the shoreline break. After a quick start in which A's tandem trolling fly got grabbed and dropped by a drive-by, the "action" slowed to a crawl as we expanded our range in this totally new-to-us lake. Other than the lack of productive fishing action, all had gone well for the day. Nothing had been lost or broken, and nobody had been hurt. But the southerly wind was picking up, I was starting to struggle with boat control (keeping our speed down), and I was paying close attention to my GPS mapping. I was on unfamiliar water, and this rocky lake had plenty of navigational hazards. All seemed to be marked, either on the surface with buoys or labelled on my electronic map. I was amused that the labelled hazard we were approaching also had a name. Everything else on my map simply appeared as "Hazard", but this one was "The Fang". In my amusement, I mentioned this to A, and this released her quiet insecurities. We were never within a hundred yards of The Fang, and I had no intention of exploring water in its vicinity. We were still on the break and had an island between us and The Fang. But A, quite vocally, wanted to get further away from this and any other hazards. I, on the other hand, wanted to fish where I felt both safe and confident. A moment later, I tangled lines as I tried to add a short lead-core line to our presentation. I was also struggling with boat control while acknowledging that our weather window might close unexpectedly early. I was hangry to boot, and these frustrations all came out in an expression of anger. The day had taken a sour turn, and we both knew it. I did what I could; we pulled lines and relocated to a lee shoreline to explore another part of the lake. We did so for an hour or so, and A even had another pull on her fly. But when we were approaching a structure-choked narrows as the sky darkened and a cold rain was clearly imminent, we called for a premature end to the day's fishing. The rest of the day was pretty much fine, but A and I are best friends, and any friction between us is uncomfortable. We talked the day through the next morning, and we realized we both suffered from the same affliction, but from different perspectives. Simply put, by the time we approached The Fang, neither was totally present. I was already fretting about our lack of fishing success. That displeasure was exacerbated by my realization of a likely early end to our effort. I'd waited a long time for my chance at this lake, and it wasn't going to pan out the way I wanted. In my mind, this was yet another opportunity lost, and I resented the time it was going to take to capitalize on a future chance. I was feeling my mortality more than the moment at hand, and I was missing out. I was focused on good things, but specifically on their absence. I was neglecting to enjoy what the lake and A's company currently offered. Meanwhile, A was more concerned with any bad things that might possibly happen, as opposed to the current reality. Our collective experience and equipment was trumped, in her mind, by the potential tragedies associated with The Fang and other hazards. She too was dealing with imaginary negative events instead of the secure present, and her future focus precluded her current enjoyment. Well, at least we talked it out. And I'm glad we are smart enough to recognize the source of our tension. We have at least a chance of recognizing this more contemporaneously in the future, and maybe with a little practice, we can each get better at staying in the moment. Because that's where happiness can be found. Pondering the questions of core essence and finding meaning in unexpected ways
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Steve LachanceVia Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Michigan and now, back to New England! Archives
June 2024
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