NUMENON |
PONDERING CORE ESSENCE
NUMENON |
I was sad and depressed as the one-year anniversary of Ollie's untimely death arrived. I cannot drive that stretch of East Main Street or walk around the neighborhood without missing him and feeling guilty for his pain in his last moments. I think of him daily, and almost always fondly, but this anniversary had gotten under my skin. So, on August 1, it wasn't too hot before work and I went on an Ollie Walk. His need to get outside every day, regardless of the weather, over the years had helped me recover from back ailments and had restored my health. With the heat of summer, I had gotten away from these daily walks, and I've probably added a few pounds and points to my blood pressure. It was time to take back control and continue to honor his memory. Half an hour later, I felt much better. The next day, I did the same, and I am consciously trying to get these extra walks in, at least when it's not too hot. Thanks, Ollie. I still miss you, but you're still a good boy! I think I've also decided that I need to sell Numenon (the boat). I've barely been able to use her since the fall of 2019. She is falling into disrepair on her trailer, which in itself needs to be replaced. I may be overly particular about what the right trailer for her is, and the pandemic may have created some supply chain havoc along the way, but I simply cannot find a replacement trailer. With zero trust in her current trailer, I am not going to use her without a new support system; and does it make sense to dump five grand or more into a 20-year old boat that will be only lightly used (at best) for the foreseeable future? Meanwhile, amybaby22 might be a little small for future plans on Casco Bay, but she's available for freshwater use, at which she's proven able. Numenon's current state is clearly a source of stress for me, and I don't have the time or wherewithal to address her needs, never mind actually use her. Maybe it's time to let her go. But damn, she has been good to me, and she too will be missed. Pondering the questions of core essence and finding meaning in unexpected ways
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(I started this entry quite a while ago and so the timing in some of the references is a bit off, but the ideas remain the same.) Right now, it's kind of difficult for me to foresee what things might be like next Tuesday. That's just the nature of these times. Looking further ahead than a few days and expecting any semblance of certainty seems insane. Still, I was recently trying to envision what life might be like in, say, ... four years. So much has changed in the last four years, and the rate of change seems to be increasing. How could I possibly anticipate aspects my life in 2026 with any accuracy? Well, to do so, I first had to look back four years. A timely reminder from Facebook prompted me to revisit the archives of my Original Blogging, above. From a fishing perspective, I was apparently on top of it four years ago, and enjoyed some of the most picturesque, varied and rewarding fishing that I can remember. Fortunately, I can look back and recreate my experiences with some accuracy because of this journaling. Feel free to check out the trip I was recalling at numenonthewater.blogspot.com/2017/09/ . The point I am trying to make is this; that particular weekend seems both incredibly remote and from several lifetimes ago, while also being just an instant ago. I can distinctly remember my Lake Bellaire quest, the giant bass silhouetted against the lilly and reed shoreline in its escaping jump, and the drag slipping from the reel as I tightened up on the Clam Lake muskie. Maybe 2026 will be here in a flash. Maybe it will seem eternally elusive. I don't know. Meanwhile, I recently made a professional life choice that solidifies (or at the very least, gels) my work expectations for this period. It wasn't necessarily the choice I wanted to make for my present self, but rather for my future with A. By early 2026, I should be able to choose to comfortably retire. That should free up some time for some more rewarding aspects of my life. Until then, I will give thanks for the benefits of my current position and recognize what they will enable for our future. A lot of fish can come over the gunwale in four years, even when I am stretched pretty thin. My current endeavors should help me appreciate each and every one, while helping me look forward to a future that I will be proud to share with A. Pondering the questions of core essence and finding meaning in unexpected ways |
Steve LachanceVia Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Michigan and now, back to New England! Archives
June 2024
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